Moshi moshi!!

I had an interesting conversation on the phone yesterday with the result that my books should be arriving sometime this morning in the next hour. I was sitting at home yesterday morning surfing the net when my phone rang. The following is the conversation to the best of my recollection:

Me: Hello?

Lady: sojhgsogdfgdjgohqppacmkggf Nippon pojfgjfijsfjsbfs;kfhivgfsd.

Me: Uhh....(who the hell is this lady?)...gomen nasai. Wakarimasen.

Lady: ljshfisfsihfjshdfs;fjkhsjhfsjdhfjsdfhshdfwoeiosdifdksflkdfjd

Me: Gomen nasai. Watashi no Nihongo was jozu janai.

Lady: (nervous laugh) jhsjfhsjhdfshjdfhsdflewihfriyefhjsfhsofhsofgd.

Me: Uhh.... anata wa?

Lady: fhdisfhsjhfosihdfoydsfoisfksdjkhfsjdjsdijfiwfhd.

Me: Uhh...chotto matte kudasai (go to my briefcase and check my book ransom slip-sure enough it says "Nippon Express"

Me: Uhh... anata wa Nippon Express?

Lady: Hai. ifisgfsidfugw9ugefuigsfdsfshhsd

Me: Ahh!! My books! Amazon ne? Hon ne? I have san ban hon.

Lady: sjfhisfgshfoiiekjdksjjdsjjsjdjjdjsjsjsjsjsj.

Me: Ashita wa daijoobu?

Lady: Hai. [whfosfhsofsjkfjdjfdhuwueushajajshdh

Me: Ashita...watashi no shigoto wa...uhhh...ju...sanji (1 oclock)kara.....ni..ju..ichiji, dakara.....

Me: Morning?

Lady: Morning, hai. shfdswuufdusudufdjdjsjsjsdfidusdjshsjd

Me: Uhh.. gome. Itsu?

Lady: 9ji kara 11ji made desu. [osfhsjhfjsdfjslkaashdhdsk

Me: Ahh ok. Arigatoo. Bye bye.

Well I somehow managed to get something accomplished in that conversation but it was more because I knew the reason why she was calling and not so much because I could understand what she was saying. Fortunately I caught the word "Nippon" and managed to connect it with the book slip I had just gotten the other day. I probably would have caught on a heck of a lot faster if she had given a clue as to why she was calling. It should have been obvious to her that my Japanese was terrible. Why she continued to insist on talking to me in Japanese is beyond me.

This to me is perfect proof of why Japanese are such horrible communicators. Don't be fooled. Japanese people can speak english. Sure they may not be great at it but they have a ridiculously large english vocabulary compared the the average english person's japanese knowledge. Most english people are probably lucky if they know "kamikaze" and "sushi." I am almost positive however that everyone in japan knows that the english word for "hon" is "book." So why this poor old lady couldnt have given me a hint such as "book" or "Amazon" is beyond me. Perhaps she didn't know the contents of the package. She would have at least known that it was coming from Amazon though. Yet they all seem perfectly happy to speak to you in very fast japanese as if you were perfectly fluent.